


planning to not fall in love

by erstwhileLove



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Accepting love, Alternate Universe, Angst, Broken Families, Confessions, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oblivious Chanyeol, Swearing, True Love, bro kyungsoo, chanyeol has a fiancée, fidelity, gay realizing hes gay, heartbroken baek, lowkey CEO yeol, mentioned sebaek, real sad, side xiuchen - Freeform, temporary coffee boy yeol, wedding planner baek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 12:38:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18366179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erstwhileLove/pseuds/erstwhileLove
Summary: ⋅♔⋅Why do we fall for those who can't do the same for us?—"I want him to be happy, I want both of them to have each other because I was too late to be there for him."





	planning to not fall in love

      The tapping of a pen on a clipboard is continuous, never stopping, and it’s probably a habit that Baekhyun should get out of doing. It’s better than smacking it across his cheeks, because that’s what he used to do, and believe me— when he eventually realized how stupid it was, the right side of his face had all these random indents.

 

It was annoying, and not very pretty. Nor was it ideal, either.

 

He does it when he’s focused or needs to do so, and right now, he’s trying not to make this poor couple’s wedding turn into a big disaster. The sigh that leaves the petite man sounds more like an irritated huff; He roughly scribbles across the paper in surprisingly neat font.

 

_ Flowers. _

_ options: blue with white ribbon, white with blue ribbon, or pink with white/blue ribbon. _

 

Small things yet difficult decisions. Welcome to the life of a wedding planner who’s constantly hungry for perfection and  _ just rights. _

 

“You’re literally driving the living  _ fuck  _ out of me,” a voice calls out from behind him. “Pacing and tapping for about thirty minutes now.” Startled, Baekhyun whips his head around, relaxing when he sees Kyungsoo in the doorway. He’s his trusty assistant who somehow deals with all his crap, and also the man who nags him when he’s not eating or drinking enough. (Not quite the mom figure, but more of like the best friend who worries about you and also wants to set you on fire sometimes). 

 

“Do you want me to go bring you takeout?”

 

“I’m working hard enough, Soo,” the older reassures with a weak smile on his face, in contrast to the ruffled hair and hands that want to rip said hair out. “I’m not hungry.” The  _ “soo”  _ nickname slips off his tongue with ease, being called so much throughout the years that the latter doesn’t grimace anymore. 

 

Staring at him intensely, like he knows he’s lying, he can read him like any book. The latter raises an eyebrow and waits for a few seconds. Although they had met this year, it seemed as if they could write detailed books about each other. He knows the wedding planner cowers under his gaze no matter the situation; Similar to a small child. When he hears the tiniest of rumbles from Baekhyun’s stomach, he concludes that and claps his hands together, walking swiftly out of the room.

 

Over his shoulder, he shouts “Jjajangmyeon, okay?” Chuckling to himself and wondering how in the world did he ever find such a great best friend and assistant; Baekhyun doesn’t know. 

 

When Kyungsoo returns with the steaming food a bit later, the latter drops his worries and actual work to go eat. He’ll figure out what flowers they need later.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the next morning, and Baekhyun’s alarm goes off at some random time. In the process, he trips and falls hard on his bottom. It’s truly a great way to start the day. Groaning, he massages it for a second. He’s still mumbling to himself as he looks at the glaring clock in front of him before standing up abruptly and scurrying to the bathroom like a small mouse. It’s 8:50, and he has to be in the office by nine. 

Ruffled hair that is usually tidy and swept back seems to stick out of his head. His tie is loose and weird-looking, but it’s the best he can manage without being late. Any passerby could probably tell he was sleep deprived and not in the best state of mind.

“I thought I set it to 7:50!” he curses, putting on whatever he can find and rushing out the door.

His day isn’t any better; Kyungsoo watches worriedly as his boss runs around like a madman, getting furious at everything, talking to his notepad as if it’ll decide things for him, and somehow spilling his coffee  _ twice _ on his shirt. Baekhyun waves off anyone who tries to help him, that stubborn thing saying he’s got it, but by the time the clock strikes 5 o'clock sharp, he’s very relieved to be out of there and just wants to collapse in bed.

In fact he looks like he’ll collapse any moment.

The minute he reaches his home sweet home, he flops onto said bed and falls asleep soundly, forgetting all his problems like a wave from the ocean came and took them.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s about eight at night when he does wake up again, feeling even more groggy and exhausted. Naps are supposed to make you better. He’s so done with everything that he grabs all his planning things, and marches off to a cute little coffee shop nearby. 

_ What a day _ , is all he can think of when he gets a warm cup of coffee and a seat in the back corner of the building. Reminded of the rebels in high school days, he chooses not to care and sets out everything in front of him. Baekhyun’s somewhat proud of himself fifteen minutes later; He completed some of the stuff on the checklist already. He doesn’t even get a second to relax before a cup of coffee is flying towards his shirt like a small bullet.

_ Are you fucking kidding me?  _

It’s like it all happens in slow motion— the way the cup tilts in the air as it rockets to him, the coffee spilling out, his face twisting up in a shocked expression, everything. Even the inhuman shriek that unwillingly escapes his mouth. 

As soon as time seemed to stop, it starts again, and there’s a man rushing to his side with arms full of paper towels. Face reading guilt, upon guilt upon guilt, the newcomer takes them and scrubs at the brown stain on his shirt as if that’ll help. It does absolutely nothing, like attempting to erase sharpie with a terrible eraser. 

“ _ Oh my god,”  _ he groans, voice laced with violent panic and jumpiness. “I am  _ so  _ sorry! I swear, I didn’t…” 

Tall, and somewhat lanky, the brunette rambles on and on about how clumsy he is. Baekhyun makes no comment and no sound either. “... I’m so glad I didn’t break your leg at least— not that I’m glad that you have coffee on you!” the latter doesn’t utter a word, still shocked at what had just happened. Baekhyun looks over at his computer, notes, and pens, suddenly feeling glad that  _ they  _ weren’t the ones being drenched in coffee.

But  _ he’s  _ the one. 

His eyes find those said notes, the incomplete notes, the checklist that still has empty places, the ones that still need a check to indicate that he’s still doing  _ his job right;  _ then there’s a thought. A little tiny speck, it’s growing, growing, and suddenly it’s screaming at his mind and heart. He asks himself why did he become a wedding planner in the first place if he couldn’t handle the stress, since he’s not good enough for anything?

An empty void, that never got filled, he can hear that voice in his head, and it’s his mother’s.

Then he’s looking up, seeing that man, who asks a simple question that makes him whimper. “Are… are you crying?” That’s when Baekhyun realizes that there are tears, thin and like pearls, gliding down his cheeks and onto his clothes. Tears would be so beautiful if the person creating them wasn’t holding in such a sad story.

The newcomer doesn’t dare hesitate when the fourth tear falls. He hugs him, even though they don’t really know each other, and doesn’t let go like his life depends on it. It’s comforting to the smaller, in a way that’s probably too indescribable. Even saying it’s like a warm blanket isn’t enough. This just makes him cry even more, because this man  _ really _ just cares.

They stay like that, in each other’s embraces, until a worker comes by and murmurs something about Chanyeol being the one to close up tonight. In response to that, said male groans a little and shakes his head. That’s when the reality pinches Baekhyun, abruptly hard, and he untangles himself from the latter and gets up. He feels like a burden, when he sees that he is the last costumer, and that the man who comforted him has to stay longer to close up.

All by himself.

Suddenly, the older feels like crying again for unexplainable reasons. He knows what it feels like to be alone and left with big responsibilities. So that’s why he grabs his belongings and bows to ninety degrees, with a heavy heart and tons of gratitude and respect, leaving with a tiny whisper of  _ thank you.  _

He doesn’t realize how he left his notebook on the table, open for the barista to see. Said barista picks it up, and runs out the door to catch him, but the man he had comforted just a minute before is no longer present. Somewhat confused as he retreats dejectedly into the café, he sits down and sighs. He knows for a fact that the guy who couldn’t be erased from his mind was definitely a hard worker from what he had been watching from afar.

_ He would be upset if I just left this here. _

Picking it up and turning it over, he reads what’s on the front of that big notebook.

_ Byun Baekhyun. _

_ Beautiful Memories - Wedding Planning _

_ xxxx _

Chanyeol is a good human being.

 

 

 

 

 

When Baekhyun stumbles into work the next morning, (not being late of course), Kyungsoo is sitting on the chair next to his desk. Said male looks up when he walks in, and smiles. It’s a different smile, something rare and kind of concerning to see. He hands him a little bag, almost like a gift, and suddenly the latter’s day is three-hundred times better than it had first been.

“Kyungsoo, you didn’t have to—”

“Oh, this isn’t from me,” Kyungsoo says, smile somehow growing. “A man dropped it off earlier, nice guy, he really is. Sweet too, we talked a bit before he had to zoom off to work…” His words get blocked out from Baekhyun’s mind, the male being too distracted by the gift that isn’t from his best friend.

A nice man dropped it off?

For some reason, the thought of a tall gigantic bean sprout of a dude comes to his mind. When he opens it slowly, he can’t help but let a smile dawn on his face. It's his notebook, which he didn’t even know he left.

_ Hey— _

_ you left your notebook  _

_ at the shop last night. _

_ thought I’d return _

_ something that’s  _

_ important to you. _

 

 

 

 

 

That’s when it becomes automatic, a start of a new chapter, apart of his regular routine. Baekhyun wakes up at 7:30 to shower and get ready, rushing out of the house to be there at the small cafe at 8:15 on the dot. He’s never late and is always on time. The kind stranger is there everyday, but he never once spares a glance in the wedding planner’s direction. At this point, said planner most likely looks like a creep, always staring at the giant of a man— he pretends to work, but his eyes are always doing something different from his hands. 

__

“I still need to thank him,” Baekhyun complains out loud one day, raking his hands through his hair, not seeming to care that it’s ruining the slick-back look. “It’s not fair if I just run off and not do anything.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes in response, realizing this is one of these stupid whining sessions, turning his attention back to typing something up on his laptop.

__

“You’re already doing a lot for him— I heard his family owns the place. Every time you go, you’re basically giving him money. If anything, he owes you your whole bank account. You’re fine, Baek. You don’t even have to do anything since you’re a regular customer. All they care about is your money.”

__

Words like that would smack some sense into a normal person.

__

That must mean Baekhyun is not normal, because of course he doesn’t listen— the next day he finds himself sitting in his usual corner, tapping his fingers repeatedly on the table. He’s debating whether or not he should say something; Probably should, but his insides keep tingling. And yet again, Baekhyun is watching the barista from where he’s sat like a creep, seeing him make the signature coffee in such an  _ extravagant _ way.

__

From that, he concludes something.

__

“Maybe tomorrow,” he whispers to himself, getting up dissatisfied and leaving.

__

The same whisper, for the entire week. He’s slowly getting tired of himself; the barista looks like he’s been slowing down with fatigue too. Kyungsoo isn’t helping either, teasing and prying, telling him he better step up his game or someone will come up and snatch him away.

__

And eventually, someone does do so.

__

It happens when he’s sitting in his usual spot again, thinking hard, being stressed over work this time, and not some stupid man whom he can’t seem to get off of his mind. Baekhyun hits his pen repeatedly on the table, never stopping nor hesitating. When the pen hits something else, his heart skips a beat. Shifting his gaze and seeing the big hand there, he seems to forget how to breathe for a second.

__

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of him, but by a humongous hand.

__

And when he hears that familiar deep voice, the small man almost dies right then and there, in that coffee shop, in that corner, on that chair, right in front of the handsome stranger. “You seem troubled again,” the giant murmurs, unaware of what he’s doing to the latter’s well-being. He grabs a chair from the next table, placing it next to his and sitting on it backwards. Being less frazzled than the first time, Baekhyun can read his name tag clearly.

__

_ Chanyeol. _

__

A plain name to some, but to the other it’s something so rich and sweet. There are chalk stars around his name, and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever. Chanyeol has his head perched up on his hands, letting him look up into his eyes. “A silent plea for help I just can’t ignore anymore.”

__

Baekhyun blinks at him with doe-like eyes and flushes a dark red as cherries. He opens his mouth to say  _ what do you mean?  _ but suddenly his throat feels dry. So not only was he watching the other, but said other was watching him too. Two creeps together. Weird feelings surge up inside of him like a wild hurricane. With zero hesitation, Chanyeol hugs him again, like the first time he did; Full of concern, kindness, and affection. “It’s worrying that you always have this stressed expression on your face.”

__

_ Beat. _

__

Goddammit, why does he care?

__

When the giant pulls away, the latter brings his attention to his shoes and wills his heart to just calm the  _ fuck  _ down. “It’s just work,” he mumbles stubbornly, pursing his lips while he fiddles with his fingers.

__

“Oh, really? And what work is it, that makes you like this?”

__

“... I’m a  _ wedding planner. _ ” He says the last part very fast so he wouldn’t have to see Chanyeol be shocked and disgusted, since men in Korea never really have that as an occupation. Instead, the barista looks amazed. He’s about to open his mouth to say something when rather thin arms are thrown around him, too feminine to be a man’s, and then there’s a giggle that makes Baekhyun sick to his stomach.

__

It glides through the air lightly, not cutting through it.

__

The way Chanyeol’s eyes light up as he realizes who it is from the way they hold him, kills something in the man.

__

“Yeol!”  _ Oh _ , a nickname too. Maybe they’re one of those people who give each other nicknames for no reason.

__

“Hello, beautiful.” Baekhyun flushes as if he was saying that to him, but he’s really just calling the girl that. Next thing he knows, the handsome man’s lips are locking with said girl’s. A feeling of breaking, a frenzy of violence, a pin drop of not silence, but hatred.

__

Here he is, being forgotten.  _ Hate, hate, hate. _

__

Perhaps hate is a strong word; The forgotten person stands up, gathers his things, and walks out of that small café without another word. And he doesn’t come back, at least, not for a while. He avoids that place like the plague, like something bad will happen if he were to even be five feet away from it. He says he doesn’t know why he isn’t going back, when asked by Kyungsoo.

__

But it’s completely obvious, yet no one ever brings it up. It stays that way.

__

The latter seems to understand, and pats him softly before walking away. Baekhyun doesn’t understand though, he never does, and when his assistant brings up heartbreak one day, the wedding planner furrows his eyebrows and denies the splitting truth.

__

Like a child, he is.

__

After two weeks and one day of hesitation and uncertainty, Baekhyun finds himself trudging into the shop with his eyes glued to the floor. All he can think about is having hot coffee poured down his throat. Little does he expect to have run into something, and jumps in surprise. Face to face, Chanyeol, the handsome barista is there, face etched with worry and relief as he looks down at him.

__

Almost like he’s glad to see him.

__

“You’re back!” he exclaims. “I thought something happened to you—” He doesn’t get a chance to finish when Baekhyun chooses to walk away and avoid contact, sitting in his regular corner. He can see the look of confusion on the taller’s face, but he just  _ can’t  _ look back. This is his way of getting over a crush that will never work out.

__

_ Never work out. _

__

It’s a matter of time where strangers who were always that in the first place must become it again.

 

 

 

 

 

Three years later, and Baekhyun is sitting there, typing away madly on his laptop. Everyday just happens to be a bad day. He doesn’t know why exactly. It’s been about four years now, since he last opened up his own wedding company, and he’s proud to say that they’ve been rated five stars. (Well, almost). Of nonstop crying, stressful days, and sleepless nights, they made it here— it’s grown so much and he can’t stop the smile from growing on his features.

He enjoys the little moment to himself up until there’s a loud knock on his office door.

Snapping out of this random fantasy and getting back to work, the wedding planner barely lets out a  _ come in _ before his assistant is walking right in.

“Soo—”

“I emailed the thing you wanted to send that one couple,” Kyungsoo informs him, holding a clipboard and looking bored, even if he really isn’t. “Oh, and you have a lunch appointment with someone during lunch.” He peers over at the latter, seeing the look on his face before a small smile spreads out on his features. “No, you better not back out of this, Baek. The poor man planned this out about a month ago, saying that he wanted to have his wedding planned by only the best of the best.”

_ Best of the best. _

Flattered, but upset about his lunch date with himself getting ruined, Baekhyun results in a pout and sighs. He barely hears the other male telling him where he’s meeting his client, and when he has to leave to be there  _ on time. _ He watches Kyungsoo walk out, and suddenly he feels odd.

Out of place, the odd one out, the only darkness there.

He leaves the building when it’s 11:30.

When it’s twelve PM sharp, the petite man walks into the small yet beautiful park, the fascinating trees and flowers momentarily distracting him as he takes a seat on a nearby bench next to a rather tall man. Baekhyun inwardly smiles, congratulating himself for being right on time. The tall person beside him shifts a little, and the other looks at him with interest. His face is blocked, however, by a black hat as dark as the night sky, a mask that’s around the same color, and sunglasses that look too big for him.

Truly a funny look, but it doesn’t phase him.

There’s something familiar that Baekhyun recognizes, but the wedding planner can’t pinpoint what it is exactly.

“Hello,” the guy greets him, when he realizes he’s being watched. Baekhyun gasps in his head— wow, his voice is so deep. Although, he smiles, since he doesn’t mind meeting someone new while he waits for his destined client. 

“Hello!”

The stranger looks at him through his glasses, gaze blank and quiet. When the smaller looks at people, he usually reads them by looking at their face. Everyone’s usually screams something, and has a meaning, or even a story behind it. It’s truly beautiful, and his ability helps him out with planning people’s big day. 

The tall stranger’s face still says nothing.

“Are you Byun Baekhyun?” the deep voice asks warily, and the male he asks chokes on his spit. How the  _ hell  _ does he know his name?!

“I—,” his cough interrupts him awkwardly. The two of them wait in silence for the coughs to subside, the only sounds being said coughs, the sweet birds around them, and the small breeze that makes the branches dance. The tension only builds up and the smaller hates himself for a second. When he does recover, Baekhyun can’t help the pink that oozes into his cheeks like paint.

“How… how do you know my name?” It’s kind of a dumb question, considering he’s kind of well-known around South Korea; Being the first male to actually own a successful wedding planning company. His face is on almost every poster placed on the bus stops and in stores, restaurants, you name it. 

Either the latter is stupid or doesn’t know how to read, he  _ probably _ knows his name like every other educated person.

Giant man sighs, and it sounds like the kind of noise you’d make when you’re heartbroken, heart open for the coming rejection. “You really don’t remember me?” His voice lingers for a while, and it’s so odd, because Baekhyun knows it changed, but from what?

He shakes his head, he isn’t sure where and when they’ve met. 

The person next to him reaches up, and begins to pull off the excess things that cover his face. It all seems  _ way  _ too slow. From the hat, to the mask, and lastly, the sunglasses, the wedding planner’s heart stops and he feels like he can’t breathe. It’s the same man, the one who stole his heart and never gave it back all those years ago. He looks more mature, more built and handsome, facial features near the unknown perfection.

His eyes haven’t changed one bit. That’s the thing that the smaller likes about people. They may change as days go by and as years steal their childhood, but the eyes are the same ones they’ve had since forever.

Sweet, welcoming, and alluring.

_ “... Chanyeol,” _ Baekhyun whispers, voice almost being taken by the wind that swoops by. It’s not even a question, but more of like a confirmation for  himself. He’s really seeing him, the human who brought him short joy, the barista who made the coffee of chemistry between them before selling it to someone else unknowingly.

_ Never work out. _

Oh, love.

Now he understands why he can’t breathe, it’s like the handsome giant stole it from him like the way he used to steal his sleep at night. “You haven’t changed at all,” Chanyeol bites his lip, indicating that he is  _ very nervous,  _ voice cautious as if he were trying to choose his words carefully _. _

It’s a cute gesture, but only adds to the pain in the shorter’s heart. Small arrows, each one seeming to sink deeper every single time. 

He’s rather too close now, making Baekhyun scoot back a little, anxiety poking his insides. This time it’s a small knife, attacking caused by no one but his conscious. “I... wish I could say the same,” he breathes, trying so hard not to look at those  _ huge _ biceps. Scary. 

If he notices the way he backed up, then he isn’t showing it on his face. What’s even more frustrating is that then again, he’s always been an unreadable man, yet so sweet in the oddest ways possible. 

“We haven’t talked in such a long time.”

The wedding planner wants so badly to respond with a  _ yeah, thanks for stating the obvious,  _ but he chooses to ignore the thought. “I’m waiting for someone to arrive, and I need to be watching for him. I’m sorry, Yeol—  _ Chanyeol _ , but maybe we can talk some other time. I’m still on work hours, and shouldn’t you be at work too?” It sounds cold, and he means it, but the man he “ _ used”  _ to be attracted to doesn’t even flinch.

That irks him  _ just _ a bit.

“I’m the one and only who set up this appointment,” Chanyeol clarifies proudly, and by the look on his face, Baekhyun can tell he isn’t joking. His eyes find somewhere other than his face, down at a leaf that’s twirling helplessly, almost like it wants to glide with the breeze but  _ it can’t. _ It’s the first time he breaks the eye contact since they began talking.

_ “Why?” _ It comes out shakily, holding so many emotions. The feelings he’s been keeping inside are so strong that it’s just  _ so scary.  _ It’s so weird how a simple word can hold something so big behind all of that mess. Powerful.

“It was an excuse to see you.” How bold.

Baekhyun’s world stops, and he  _ knows _ it’s not what he means, but it’s always been the words he’s wanted to hear, so he wills the growing blush that’s spreading across his cheeks to  _ calm the fuck down. _ Immaturity, it makes him feel sick.

Chanyeol has a look of amusement on his face when he sees the other’s reaction, making him continue. 

“I’ve been wanting to see you for a while, actually. When you stopped coming to that café three years ago… I don’t know. I was worried, since I had no way of contact with you. You confused me, Baek.”

He places his head in his hands.

“I knew I did something wrong, and it hurt me, because I didn’t know what it was. Eventually, I stopped taking some shifts there. I’m the son to a retired CEO, so of course I have the job to take everything seriously and with responsibility. Initially, I took over my cousin’s shifts because I wanted a change.

“I hated my other job, the one I was  _ supposed  _ to be successful in. My cousin owns that small café, so I figured I’d just ask her if I could work there for the time being instead. Then I met you, and you were always the costumer I looked forward to seeing every morning. Right on time, always there on the dot.” Chanyeol smiles softly to himself, not realizing, (because he never realizes anything related to Baekhyun), that he’s making the man next to him’s heart melt like the way the sun melts ice.

It isn’t fair.

The latter continues. “And then one day, you just stopped coming, and ‘till this day, I still don’t know why. I can’t help but admit that it made me upset, because we were already becoming such  _ great friends _ …”

_ Damn Park Chanyeol. _

Baekhyun looks away then, and he doesn’t seem to notice. Those two words bother him to a level of discomfort and confusion. The other things the younger says go by like a blur, because he feels the need to just not listen anymore. But eventually, he forces himself to hear what he must say.

“... And then I heard from others and saw around me, you were all over the place, well-known and well-off for being so successful, everywhere I went you seemed to follow. People call you the best of the best, and barely anyone judges you for what you do, and I think that’s so admirable.

“The other reason why I called you here, was because I could only have the  _ best of the best _ plan my very own wedding.”

Baekhyun almost gives himself whiplash for looking up too fast.  _ “What?” _

Chanyeol smiles widely, and it kills the other, his oblivion hurting so  _ bad.  _ “Surprising, right? Popped the question about a week ago. I don’t know where, and how, but somehow I mustered up the courage to ask Jiwon.” He looks so happy, eyes twinkling, spirits uplifted, and Baekhyun will never say what he’s feeling right now.

He waves his left hand in the air, ring shining on his fourth finger. It look beautiful and that’s what infuriates the man next to him the most. “So, Baek, will you plan my wedding?” It sounds like his own proposal, and the small man feels like emptying his stomach from the food he ate this very morning.

 

 

 

 

 

He collapses, onto the floor of his condo, feeling nothing but numb and vulnerable. He lies there for a while, and doesn’t dare move a muscle. All he can think about is what happened back at the park. It haunts his mind, making him have the desire to pull every single strand of his hair out.

“I’m an idiot,” Baekhyun tells himself weakly, in contrast to what he had been thinking, he wants to make his dog pee on him. Not the best way to punish himself— he shouldn’t even be doing anything bad to himself at all, but the way he’s feeling makes him believe that it’s okay. He curls in on himself like a fetus in its mom’s stomach.

Mongryong trots over like he knows, but all he does is sit by his head and paw at his face. Baekhyun makes a noise at the back of his throat, almost like a whine, and pets his beloved dog sadly. He feels like a little kid. “What do I do, Boy?” he asks, sounding so unsure of himself. “I told Chanyeol I’d plan his wedding but why do I feel…”

He shudders, and flicks himself on his forehead. “... like complete shit? I don’t know. Mongie, I don’t want to plan his wedding.” His smaller friend replies with a tiny lick on the side of his face, leaving an odd tingly feeling, but Baekhyun doesn’t seem to care. “I don’t know why I don’t want to though. I love my job, but I just don’t want to work for him. He even offered to pay me more than the actual pay, but I refused.

“What if  _ I  _ was the one marrying him though?”

Baekhyun blushes at his own comment. “ _ Hell _ no.”

Then he throws his arm across his face dramatically. “And he even asked for my number! Boy, I gave it to him willingly too!  _ Ugh _ , I don’t know what to do!” His dog sniffs his side a bit before laying down against it. Baekhyun huffs and complains to his heart’s desire. 

“I want this man out of my life but at the same time I don’t want to lose him again.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol doesn’t contact him until a week later, and when he does, Baekhyun jumps at the text right away. It’s unexpected and random; He had just attended one of his client’s wedding. Clad in a tight suit and tired eyes, he prefers to not be looking directly at any device.

  
  


**_chanyeol:_ **

_ i was thinking that we  _

_ could hangout to catch _

_ up, you know? you _

_ free in two days? _

  
  


Baekhyun doesn’t dare respond to it at first, avoiding it like it has some disease. Eventually he gives in and does, but the calendar marks the next day. He’s being forced to respond because he gets a text, saying he knows that he’s reading the messages.

  
  


**_me:_ **

_ Okay.  _

_ I might be free, _

_ but I don’t want  _

_ to have Kyungsoo _

_ work too hard by  _

_ himself. _

  
  


He sends it, even though he doesn’t even open the offices on weekends. The man must be aware of that because he sends an eye rolling emoji.

  
  


**_chanyeol:_ **

_ yeah right. ill _

_ see you tomorrow. _

_ 2 @ at that _

_ coffee shop. _

Baekhyun feels like an overflowing bucket of water, overwhelmed and nervous.

That’s how he finds himself, sitting in a different corner, but of course not the usual one he sits at. Brings back memories, he claims. Of course he’s on time, (it’s two o’clock), but Chanyeol isn’t there yet. He lets out a sigh of relief, because that gives him time to mentally prepare himself. Last time he was too shocked to really say anything. Fishing his phone out, he calls the first person he can think of. 

“Kyungsoo,” he says into the phone, eyes darting around like he’s afraid that a certain man will pop out of nowhere. “Help me!”

There’s a booming laugh on the other side, indicating that Kyungsoo is definitely alive and healthy, because even if the latter was locked in the bathroom, he wouldn’t be much of a help. Baekhyun whines in response. “No, I’m serious! Chanyeol asked me to have coffee with him, and I’m here now, but—”

He’s interrupted by his best friend’s whistle. “Chanyeol?  _ Aww, my Baekkie Boo is cheating on me with some lucky guy!” _ Baekhyun gapes at that, making a noise of both frustration and disgust. He knows he’s joking, but he hates how Kyungsoo gets like this when he knows the latter is suffering.

The sound of the door chiming doesn’t faze him, and neither does the sound of someone walking to his table. 

“Kyungsoo, I love you,” Baekhyun says, rolling his eyes. “But you are a  _ goddamn _ sadist.” He’s about to add to his comment, but he looks up and locks eyes with the last person he wanted to see. Said person slips into the seat across from him.

So much for getting his mind, (and heart), ready.

Chanyeol smiles. “Hello. Who’s this Kyungsoo guy?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and the guy who is on the phone blushes a dark pink. He wants to scream  _ you’ve got the wrong idea _ but he can’t find it in him to say a thing at the moment. It doesn’t go unnoticed by the other. 

Baekhyun hears a tiny  _ Hey Baek, invite me to your wedding when you get married,  _ and suddenly he’s very grateful for the fact that it’s not on speaker mode. “I have to go, okay?” he hisses into the phone, face rather too close to it, like he’s trying to keep all his words to himself. “Don’t you dare try to  come to my office later.”

By the time he hangs up and makes Kyungsoo promise not to bother him anymore, Chanyeol has a look of amusement spread across his face like the one he had on at the park. It’s annoying and makes the Byun want to stab him, but his heart speeds up at the little smirk he sees anyway.

Not that he’d ever admit that.

“You’re blushing.” 

He lets out a wholehearted laugh when the other sputters. Baekhyun tries not to be affected by the action, but he groans when he feels euphoric along with the blush in his cheeks deepening. Looking like a tomato whose heart could probably burst out of his chest at any second, the man squirms slightly.

He looks up after a bit to see Chanyeol looking at him, blank face of his adding to the mess. “How is your job going?” Out of all the questions he could’ve asked, of course he asks that one. (Although that would be the number one question to ask if you didn’t want to make things awkward). It’s the one thing that the other  _ really _ didn’t want to answer. Said other likes— no, loves his job, but sometimes it’s just the little things that can make him fall over.

_ Little things. _

Baekhyun chooses to just blink at him dumbly, but he sees the supposed CEO is stubborn when it comes to getting a correct answer. He wasn’t going to leave without it.

“It’s really just…” He deflates like a small balloon, taking down the facade. “I love it, but it’s more stressful than you’d probably think.” That’s when the stubborn man’s face  _ finally  _ changes, and it’s soft and worrisome.

_ Stop acting like you care. _

The latter looks at him, almost as if he’s wondering if he could go on or not. “I’m listening,” Chanyeol reassures, and the smile on his face makes the smaller calm down a bit. It’s a reminder to keep breathing. 

And so he does take a deep breath in, like he’s going underwater. He continues, and soon he can’t stop. Baekhyun lets him know about his struggles when he first started out, and how he got to where he is today. He’s never shared this precious information with everyone, not even Kyungsoo; This was his  _ own  _ story to tell, yet here he was telling the man who broke his heart many years ago.

Talking about the things that shaped you back then will make you feel so preposterous. The feeling of bitter emptiness returning— heart still void of it all, but striving to find a way to fix it… A voice eating away at his insides like a meal, feeding off of insecurities and unwelcome emotions, topping it all with monsters that stop him from sleeping each and every night. And then there, at the bottom of it all, is the fear of not being good enough. Fear, of garnering disappointment and unhappiness.

It’s so scary.

The wedding planner is  _ still _ waiting for Chanyeol to just look away or show any hint of disinterest, but nothing of that sort appears across his face or body language. He won’t even look away, eyes burning into him, but leaving a warm and kind feeling instead. It’s something Baekhyun’s always craved, something he’s always wanted, to have someone look and listen to him like that.

Because he cares.

When the first set of tears roll down his milky cheeks, the petite guy does nothing to stop them like he usually would, instead spilling the emotions he’s kept bottled up for so long. He may have not seen the giant in so long, but for some reason, the need and want to become vulnerable and not lie is so strong. Maybe it’s just his aura, the welcoming and sweet surroundings, like an open palm outstretched to help him up and out of the darkness called fear and atelophobia.

It’s frightening.

But Chanyeol makes it feel better in his own way.

All too soon, it’s dark outside and the pair have been sitting and talking nonstop for about four hours. It may be viewed as unhealthy for not getting up in so long, but that doesn’t stop them from getting to the core of their feelings. After the CEO had listened to the latter spill his mind and heart, the said latter listened to him as well.

So here they were, parting ways at the older’s low murmur of  _ I should get going, it’s dark outside.  _ Before Baekhyun turns to leave however, Chanyeol compliments his hair color, which is now jet black. (It used to be brown). This earns him a bright smile that shines like the sun. “It’s a long story,” he explains with a playful wink.

The giant mirrors his grin, and chuckles. “Aw man. Tell me next time, then.”

Next time.  _ There’s going to be a next time.  _ Baekhyun uses all his willpower to not run and hug him. Kiss him, maybe. Shaking the thought out of his head, he bows, but this time he stops himself from leaving. He gives in and runs over, wrapping his arms around the tall man. A silent word of thanks without anything leaving their mouths, and the smaller would be lying if he hadn’t smiled when Chanyeol accepted it and hugged him back. Tightly.

It felt secure, something he’d like to do more than once.

They feel a connection, one that wasn’t there in the beginning, it’s a pull of strong emotions. It leaves them excited for when they’ll see each other again, toe-curling and breath stealing. Baekhyun leaves with a huge beam across his face, eyes twinkling while no inch of him regrets showing up.

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing comes for the next few days, and soon the two week mark rolls around slowly. Baekhyun’s starting to believe that the whole meeting was just a dream, or something he imagined because he  _ really wanted it to happen.  _ He misses the tall man more than he’ll ever admit, and it’s so odd, considering the fact that they’ve only seen each other once after all those years.

It’s not until Tuesday morning where he gets a text. He had been falling back asleep, his alarm doing no justice. He’s not a morning person, but the motivation to get up is for the satisfaction of being early. A notification forces him to sit up abruptly, and stare at his phone with fatigue-filled eyes. 

  
  


**_chanyeol:_ **

_ hey! just wondering _

_ when we could _

_ meet up :) _

  
  


No longer feeling sleepy as he had not even two seconds ago, the man in bed rereads it over and over again. Dangerously, his heart began beating so fast it hurt. Toes curling as his heart speeds up, he chooses to respond after getting ready in case the conversation happens to last longer than he expects it to. Baekhyun’s shoveling a bit-too-burnt-toast down his throat as he types up his answer.

  
  


**_me:_ **

_ Hi. :) _

_ When are you free? _

  
  


Chanyeol is quick to respond.

  
  


**_chanyeol:_ **

_ hmm… maybe _

_ not today, but _

_ tomorrow. i was _

_ just wondering _

_ if we could discuss _

_ my wedding plans! _

  
  


There goes the truth, the aching reality, slapping Baekhyun hard against his face. Reading that makes him shake a little, along with his heart feeling as if it were sinking down to his feet. The small flower inside his heart seems to have wilted too. Damn Park Chanyeol and his ability to make it bloom. He forces himself to smile, even though the other can’t even see his face.

For some reason, he feels the need to be that way.

  
  


**_me:_ **

_ Ah. okay. I’ll _

_ check with Soo _

_ on what my schedule’s _

_ like tomorrow. _

  
  


He doesn’t even want to read the latter’s response, so his first instinct is to shut his phone all the way off. Neither does he want to ask his best friend about his always-changing schedule, nor does he want to meet with the man he was texting anymore. Looking at the toast in his hands, he suddenly feels nauseous and decides to toss the remaining part of it away. 

Not being a wedding planner sounds so luxurious right now.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo walks in on his boss throwing a paper airplane out a window. He looks dazed, eyes not focused as he barely watches the plane glide with the wind before he begins to fold another one. Movements slow and making the level of worry grow on his assistant’s shoulders, Baekhyun remains blind and completely oblivious to the person standing at his office doorway.

Clearing his throat, the person stalks over and grabs his wrist tightly before he can send this one out. “Baek, the hell are you doing?!” This snaps the latter out of his transfixed mood like the way you’d snap someone out of hypnosis. Jumping and placing the little plane down on his desk, he looks frightened of himself.

“N-nothing.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Don’t you have to be looking for possible colors for the Song wedding?” The latter curses and turns his chair around so he can get back to work. It’s almost like he had forgotten what he was doing there at the office in the first place. The man who is still holding his wrist looks at him with worry. He knows something isn’t right, something’s wrong, but Baekhyun’s keeping it to himself  _ again. _

_ He always does this. _

The wedding planner squints at his papers, and then at his computer. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Kyungsoo who purses his lips and lets go of him diligently. “They wanted some sort of green, but I don’t know what they want for the second color. They said you can pick it—” His conscious tells him to just go for it, so he does. Grabbing his dear friend’s shoulders and swinging him around to face him, everything happens too fast. “— Byun  _ fucking  _ Baekhyun. I know you’re not alright, so don’t even try to tell me everything is fine because I know you  _ way _ too well.”

He slumps next to his best friend. “What happened?”

Baekhyun wants to shrug and say he doesn’t know, but they both know that’s a terrible lie. Kyungsoo also happens to be quite scary, so saying that wouldn’t be the best option if he wanted to live. Opening his mouth, he hesitates, and he doesn’t know why he does— he wants to force himself to just  _ speak, _ but why can’t he tell the man whom he treats like another brother? There’s that uncomfortable feeling again.

“I—”

The door swings open, and Sejeong, one of the other employees, walks in with a wary expression on her face. Unaware that she may have ruined something, her face reads business. Both males shift their gazes to the newcomer. Baekhyun silently thanks her.

“Mr. Byun, Mr. Do,” she greets them lightly, then turns to the head boss. “Kim Taeyeon called and said that the place she and her fiancé wanted their wedding to be at got flooded. It’s in two weeks and I was just on the phone with her and she wouldn’t calm down.”

Kyungsoo looks like he’s going to say something, but Baekhyun clears his throat and sits up straighter. He’s strong, a mask that no one can see through except for one person. “I’ll give her a call and figure it out. What’s her number again?”

He pretends not to see the worry that’s so evident on his assistant’s face when his eyes flutter closed for just a second. “I’m fine,” he whispers, so that only the said assistant can hear, but it seems like those two words are for himself too. A reminder.

Kyungsoo gets up and leaves without another word.

The poor wedding planner gives his client a call, and it takes her so long to relax and breathe for just a second. She gives him all the  _ what if’s, _ and Baekhyun tries his hardest to stop her, but she keeps rambling on, and on, and on… a headache begins racking up his mind, making it more difficult to focus than it was before. 

“Yes, yes,” he says into his phone, sounding much more calm than he really is. He fixes his chair a bit and sighs. Taeyeon exclaims something on the other end, and that makes him fidget and pick at the red ribbon splayed out on his desk. “I’m listening, Ms. Kim.” He’s trying to, but she’s losing his attention  _ rather _ fast.

His phone dings loudly, making the man ignore what the woman says for a split second. There’s a text from  _ the  _ one and only _.  _ It’s like he’s been completely emptied of his thoughts, as well as his sour mood, because all of a sudden he’s smiling and feeling elated. How weird.

Baekhyun forces himself to comfort her, since it seems like she’s actually breathing normally now. He looks out his huge window, raking rather small hands through his hair. “Look, now,” he tells her softly. “I’m not the best at comforting people, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try my hardest for you. It’s going to be just fine, and I need you to remember to breathe.”

Closing his eyes, he pours what he can from his soul.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, but believe me, this isn’t the worst that could ever happen. I’ve had other terrible things happen, and yet we all pulled through! This is no different, and I guarantee you that we  _ will— I  _ will find some other location that would be just as beautiful. 

“Your wedding won’t be a disappointment to anyone, Kim Taeyeon. I will make it just as magical 

as big days sound in movies and books.” When there isn’t a response for a little bit, the latter begins to slowly freak out. He breaks into a sweat, making him restless as the feeling of anxiety jabs at him roughly.

And so he laughs nervously. “Say something please, so I know I’m not just making you worse.”

Taeyeon finally responds then, and Baekhyun slumps against his chair as his eyes find the ceiling. He breathes in relief. “You’re not, trust me. I’m so grateful that… that we have someone like you planning our wedding. Thank you, Mr. Byun.” He smiles all the way up to his eyes after hearing that, because it really does mean a lot, but then remembers that she can’t see his face.

  
When they end the call after sappy  _ thank you’s  _ and  _ goodbye’s,  _ Baekhyun is quick to go straight to messages. It’s from Chanyeol, asking if he  _ “possibly wants to go watch a show with him.”  _

 

 

 

 

 

“And you said  _ yes?”  _ Kyungsoo’s eyes bulge out of his head as he stares at the latter accusingly. Said latter is cowering in his desk seat like a mere five-year-old who just got a scolding from his mother. Mind you, he’s twenty-seven, nearing twenty-eight faster than he would like. He would joke about his best friend treating him like a youngling, but he knows better than to not mess with the other.

“I—  _ yes _ , yes I did.” Unknown confidence.

The younger furrows his brows. “Baek, you told me you were over him a long time ago.” The sudden confidence fades as he brings his gaze down towards his shoes. Feeling a familiar wave of sickness wash over him; not being a rush of water, but rather a wash of lies that were being told to not only others but himself— it’s egging him to say what they both know, maybe even shout it, since there’s no point in hiding away anymore.

“A small autumn crush,” he begins slowly as if time was stopping just for him, voice lowering to a tone like the wind. He dares himself to look into Kyungsoo’s aware eyes. “That’s what he was supposed to be. I find that being infatuated with someone is like a way to get away, an invisible island that only I go to when I see said someone. It’s rare for me to take interest into anyone, but when he did what he did that night…”

Baekhyun can’t stop the small and innocent grin that spreads on his face as his gaze finds the window. “I knew he was different, and my heart wouldn’t stop beating no matter how much I wanted it to. And when the day came for me to  _ move on,  _ I shut him out completely and I really do regret that. I was a dick.

“Chanyeol’s a great guy.” The usual smile that would bring happiness now holds something else; empty, waning, asking for the unsaid… it makes his assistant’s face soften.

“So when I saw him again, he just— all he’s become is sweeter and even more handsome. More than what my heart can truly handle.”

Kyungsoo looks at him after he says that, and he can  _ feel  _ the way his boss feels. It makes him bite his lip and brush his hand lightly. “You’ve only seen him a couple times now, no?” It’s true, and they both know it. Just a few hours in a few days, and they’ve only seen each other twice in the mess of time. “Are you going to snatch him now, and not let the prize get away?” His tone is teasing, and the way his eyebrows wiggle suggestively almost puts a smile on the other’s face.  _ Almost. _

“Can’t,” Baekhyun responds weakly. “He’s getting married, and wants me to plan the wedding.” The look on his face changes almost immediately that it’s frightening, fiery and red. Almost as if he’s a totally different person. “ _ Their fucking wedding.  _ Might as well just be friends, because it’s the best I can do.” The other man in the room slips into the the spot next to him. 

“Baek—”

The wedding planner stands, walking out and leaving him there, whispering that he needs a coffee, one from the company’s kitchen, like always.

 

 

 

 

 

He arrives to the movie theater, the one that holds the scent of something wonderful like cinnamon and popcorn, and the one with the rather sweet counter attendants. When he steps inside, he expects it to waft over him, but the delicious smells attack him like a truck. He gladly welcomes them, for he hadn’t watched a movie in the theater like this for quite a while. Baekhyun smiles softly and looks around for the person he is supposed to meet. A tall figure, he spots him from far away. He skips over, stopping him from going any further.

“Hey, Chanyeol,” the smaller greets him warmly, smile never fraying. Chanyeol turns to look at him, but the look on his face makes the latter’s heart stop. He looks confused, startled, but still very shocked. 

“Baek— what… what are you doing here?”

Now it’s his turn to be confused, because  _ he _ was the one invited  _ by _ the giant. He’s a little hurt too, because did he really forget? “What do you mean?” he asks, an uncertain laugh leaving his mouth. “You invited me to watch a movie with you, remember?”

Chanyeol’s jaw drops. “Did I really?”

Baekhyun tries to laugh again, but when he opens his mouth no sound comes out. The other obviously isn’t joking, so he tilts his head and nods slowly.

_ “Oh, shit,” _  the younger gasps, face palming and biting his lower lip. “I meant to send that text to Jiwon! I’m so sorry,  _ man _ ! I’m such an idiot. I just wasted a good thirty minutes of your precious life, I really do apologize.”

The smaller with a red sweatshirt on feels his heart sinking even before he processes  _ not-his-man’s  _ words. The taunting reality punches him hard, leaving him unable to say anything for a while. So Chanyeol really didn’t want to see him. He wanted to see his fiancée to watch a movie with her. Not him, it was never him.

_ Never work out. _

Baekhyun flinches like he’d been hit, slapped, kicked, and in a way, he was; attacked by the latter’s truthful words. “I’ll leave you be then,” he whispers, heart feeling broken and  _ just empty. _

Maybe he’ll cry too but he’s biting his tongue, can’t look like any child now. He’ll be twenty-eight, there’s no need to be a three-year-old who doesn’t know how to  _ fucking control his emotions. _

Before he can leave though, his supposed  _ little _ crush grabs his wrist, looking at him with a teasing smirk. “Well since I have one extra ticket”— he waves said ticket in the air. “— maybe you can watch it with me.” The wedding planner punches the air in his head, somehow managing to not do it in front of him. 

It’s almost like he didn’t care that he’d been rejected almost a second ago. The darkness was light again with a simple flick of a switch. The smile on his face was indescribable, perhaps the best comparison would be the sun.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Baekhyun beams, taking the popcorn from him with his voice laced in with relief and happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

To say the movie was great would be a great measure from what it actually was, since the petite man was barely watching or enjoying the whole two hour film. Although his eyes were glued to the screen, they weren’t focused or dead-on. Every scene was just going up and over his head. The cause of this?

Park. Fucking. Chanyeol.

His friend wouldn’t let him enjoy the thing they had paid to watch, but Baekhyun would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying the attention from the latter. Subtle attention, he would say, but to be exact he wasn’t very sure. 

Wouldn’t want to make assumptions or get any hopes up.

Arms around shoulders, brushing of hands, and much more— even  _ accidentally _ drinking from the same exact cup. He hoped the giant wouldn’t notice the way his heart raced at every gesture, no matter how small. It’s probably just a  _ close-friend-thing _ but he doesn’t know anymore.

At this point, it felt like he’d pass out from every mini heart attack. He’s had more than what seems like a million by now. Tonight it felt like a date, but he knew deep inside that he should face the reality and accept the fact that their love can never be. The twenty-seven-year-old is very stubborn; he can’t help but imagine them on a  _ real  _ date. 

Things that significant others do, he wishes he could experience it all. Hand-holding during the whole thing, crying together during the emotional parts, and holding each other when there are terrifying scenes. 

There are a couple of times where Baekhyun wanted to hold the hand that brushed his constantly. Rough and calloused— Baekhyun inwardly smiles at the realization that the other must be a guitarist. That just adds to the mess and the feeling of it being magical. He takes note so he could ask him to play for him one day.

When it ends, Chanyeol says something that’ll probably haunt him forever, and will keep him up tonight. Perhaps for the next few weeks he won’t be able to sleep.

_ “Let’s hang out again very soon. You’re really a wonderful person and I feel very comfortable around you. I’ll see you later, Baek!” _

  
  
  


The owner of that nickname shuts the door to his home, feeling jittery and jumpy with his heart racing to about the speed of a car. His mind is all over the place, and it’s almost like _it’s_ the one smiling. A beautiful wave of emotions this is, and then he thinks about the way a certain man had called _him wonderful._ He feels the grin on his face before he even realizes it. In a regular situation, Baekhyun would deny himself of his feelings, lock himself up, and force it to fade quickly. 

He would hide from his emotions as if they were human beings and tell himself enough. But for some reason, this is different. He replays the whole time at the movies in his head, a memory that was recorded and will never be lost.

After that, every single time they’re together, (which has sort of become all the time), it’s almost like the giant can’t keep his hands off of him. Drawn to him like the way a bee is drawn to flowers, it makes him feel special, making it rather difficult for him to hide the fact that he really does enjoy it. Everyday, it seems as if the struggle grows more and more. It’s Chanyeol’s attention, seen as gold or something so very precious.

It fools him all the time though, almost as if he really does love and see him that way. These days, reality becomes nothing like air, and the wedding planner gets blinded by his wondrous imagination. 

But it’s not  _ love _ , he would  _ never _ .

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun’s walking to the bus stop from work at a calming pace. Today was a good day, excusing himself early to rest a bit. He takes his sweet time, steps short yet not rushed, eyes watching the clouds of the Seoul sky as they pass him by. Time is rare like this, because he’s a hard worker who doesn’t like to disappoint. Breathing in the air around him as the wind messes his hair up slightly to look like his bed head, he lets it out when he spots a nearby tree’s leaves ruffle under the breeze. Autumn is beautiful, it truly is. Colors of red, orange, brown, and many others are displayed everywhere. It looks too amazing to be real.

It’s his favorite season.

He gets a little excited, because he realizes October is rolling around, meaning that more people will call up for a  _ certain wedding planner to plan their big days.  _ Only then does he realize he’s being followed, and just like that the blood drains from his face, taking the smile with it. His mood is gone, replaced with an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach.

There’s a black car just behind him, and all the happiness he had been feeling before washes away quickly as if it’d been splashed with water. 

Baekhyun quickens his pace, taking advice from those sappy dramas he watches in his free time. It’s what the characters always do, and to his dismay, the car only follows suit. The petite man tries to walk even faster, but when he fails to do so he curses himself for always being so inactive.

Maybe he shouldn’t have canceled his gym membership three months ago.

Him being kidnapped is probably karma from firing the woman who worked at their front desk the day before. In his defense, all she did was flirt with Kim Minseok from the floral department and never got anything done. The poor florist actually had  _ a boyfriend _ already, and her lame attempts made him uncomfortable and distracted.

So here he is now, trying to outrun a jet black car. He begins to freak the hell out, because he’s going to fucking die if nothing happens. Freezing when said car pulls up next to him like it’s nothing, and which in this situation it really is, he wants to scream like a little kid but no sounds come out. He’s not even sure why he stopped either.

The sound of the car door opening almost makes him pee his pants. Fear and anxiety bites at his insides when he hears the friction of shoes against concrete. He wants to break out into a run, but he can’t bring himself to move— his legs feel like jello.  _ “I’m going to die,” _ Baekhyun mutters, fear lacing into his voice, making him shut his eyes tight as he prays to himself quietly. 

_ “Hyun.” _

The call of his nickname makes him flush, because there’s only one person on earth who actually calls him that. Said nickname was “adopted” way back. It stuck ever since then, but the latter didn’t mind it one bit. It made him feel special, like a beautiful flower that stood out from the rest. But maybe not now, when he has someone else in his heart already.

Deep voice, husky, but not as tranquilizing as another. He knows that from anywhere. 

“Sehun?” Baekhyun whispers, breathing in for a second before turning around. There his ex stands, in his proud and confident glory like always, clad in a flannel and ripped jeans. Although he may look a bit like his younger-self, he happened to adapt to more mature features. But it doesn’t make the latter’s heart race like it used to. 

“What are you doing here?”

The look on Sehun’s face makes him uncomfortable, smirk evident on his features. He knew that shit was about to go down. It was like those movies, where the couple that was  _ “not meant to be”  _ got back together in the most dramatic way. In this movie, the tall man had practically stalked him. He followed him in his car! 

Said tall man laughs, and then looks him dead in the eye. “I’ve come to whisk my princess off his feet. I love you, and always have.” Baekhyun gapes.

_ What the f— _

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Sehun exclaims, clutching his stomach as he laughs too hard. It’s all a joke, and the older sighs in relief. He doesn’t know what he’d do if Sehun were to actually have been serious. “The boys asked me to get you.”

The wedding planner asks what he means by that, but the other responds with a flick on his forehead as he pulls him into the car.

 

 

 

 

 

Needless to say, that could count as a kidnapping. Although his previous lover brings him to some amusement park, it was still nerve racking and possibly something he’d never want to experience again. Bringing him to their friends, they greet them happily.

Chanyeol sees him first, and the latter doesn’t realize he’s there until the smell of fresh cotton candy reaches his nose. The smile on his face grows happily. “That smells good,” Baekhyun blurts out loud with a hazy look on his face. Jongdae, one of the  _ “boys,”  _ agrees and says he wants to eat some.

Shaking his head, the small man sniffs the air. “No, the other smell.” Cologne; Masculine and earthy, he chuckles to himself. “Hey, Yeol,” he greets, the brightness across his features being something that makes everyone around him coo except for the one he’s in front of right now.

The deepness of  _ his _ giant’s voice makes him shiver in delight, this— this is definitely the tranquilizing one he had fallen for. “Hi, Baek. What’re you doing here?” A simple question, and yet everything about Park Chanyeol screams  _ ethereal  _ in the twenty-seven-year-old’s eyes. Whipped, is the right word to call him, because it truly does describe him. He stares at the latter, and said latter stares back. They’re not studying or checking each other out, but rather just taking in their presences, speaking unspoken words and thoughts.

The connection between these two is indescribable, really. A mystery, something no one can solve. The clearing of a throat brings them back to where they are, the waiting reality and their friends surrounding them. 

Oh, and  _ they’re  _ friends too.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s heads turn. The smaller’s cheeks burn a pretty shade of pink like the sunset, and the taller’s ears flush a cute red.

What a pair.

“We’re here too,” Jongin jokes, and everyone laughs, including the two next to them. No one notices how the only wedding planner there forces himself to laugh, almost making it seem as difficult as trying not to cry out in pain when stubbing your toe. The atmosphere has lit up, and suddenly they’re all distracted by the attractions around them.

Hesitant and watching from afar as the rest of the boys run to the nearest roller coaster, Baekhyun furrows his brows and feels his guts tighten. He doesn’t enjoy those things, because they make him feel sick, perhaps even sicker than what he feels when the guy he often stares at brings up his significant other. Now that, is very big.

And then a hand, the one that plays the strings for a guitar, slips into his daintier one. The way Baekhyun’s heart thuds is rapid and fast when he realizes who it belongs to, like every ounce of affection he feels towards the latter is being blended in a blender. How dare he attack him like that. Magical, it is, like his own fairytale has begun. It’s not the feeling of the movies, but this is different. This is real, this is what it feels like to be held by the person you…

“Let’s go,” Park Chanyeol smiles and says softly, eyes tender as well as understanding as he leads him to the game stands instead.

  
Byun Baekhyun is  _ so  _ whipped.

 

 

 

 

 

Although it is just a small plushie of a cute panda, the small man takes it happily and shares about how much he loves it. The familiar glow of red on his friend’s ears make him smile in satisfaction. He won’t lie, it’s always been Baekhyun’s dream to receive a stuffed animal from a special someone after they win it fair-and-square in a game. Even if they’re just a friend. He feels like a young teenager again, and is brought back to around twelve years ago.

He feels old now, but he blurts out how nice it feels to pretend they’re young. Chanyeol agrees softly with a blank face, but doesn’t say anything else.

A wonderful feeling it is, to let your hair fly up with the breeze, to laugh until you can’t anymore, and to hold hands with the man you want to give your heart to, but can’t. And that’s okay, because when said man asks you what you want to name the plush, you say you’ll name it Loey. Of course he doesn’t notice what the meaning of that name really is, and that’s okay too.

 

 

 

 

 

“I know you like him,” the voice throws at the chair. It isn’t an insult, nor was it a way to subtly admit jealousy, but rather a way to make it fess up. It’s Sehun, and the man hiding behind a shrub can hear choking noises as he realizes it’s Chanyeol he said that to. 

Who does he like? And it’s a  _ he _ ?

“I don’t—  _ Baek— _ I’d never.” Even if it’s not a surprise, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t not get a reaction out of him. His heart pounds even as it sinks a bit. Never say never wouldn’t work in this situation either. It’s the truth, there it is, taunting him.  _ Never, never, never. _

But why was Sehun bringing him up?

The sharp laugh that comes in response cuts him, and he furrows his eyebrows. And then it stops abruptly. “That’s actual bull,” the latter says when he recover from his  _ “laugh,”  _ and the hidden wedding planner has to fight himself to not run up to the boys on those chairs and kiss his forehead.

God bless Oh Sehun.

“I don’t blame you,” the man drawls as Baekhyun stares at the backs of their heads, toes curling as he waits for more. “Byun’s got a lot of things that we all want; Took me ages to get over his ass.” Said Byun blushes, biting his lip while waiting for  _ his man  _ to respond.

“You’re disgusting.” He smiles. That’s the Chanyeol he knows.

Sehun laughs again, this time being loud and boisterous. “No, no. That’s not what I meant, but his ass  _ is  _ rather—” The other waves him off, and then says something that Baekhyun can’t hear, making him whine quietly as he gets closer trying not to be seen. 

“Okay, you have to then.”

“I’ll bring him to my house after this, I swear I will. He’ll meet Jiwon and the fact that I’m so laid back about this should worry you.”

The words sting, and even though he hadn’t heard the first part it’s almost like he can hear it in his head. “I don’t want to meet her,” the smaller whispers, but it’s not like he hears. It’s not like he  _ ever  _ hears. Although Sehun does turns around, and he doesn’t smile but he has some sort of look on his face. And of course that’s when the giant of the three notices and turns around too.

“Oh, hey, Baek!” Chanyeol exclaims, and it’s annoying to the latter at how he’s acting like that whole fiasco never happened. What’s even more annoying, is that smile on his face, and how genuine it is. It’s not fake, so real that it seems like he had just witnessed a dream.

“We were just talking about possible ice cream we’re gettin’ after!” That liar. As he says that, Baekhyun’s eyes shift over to Sehun’s and he realizes the other is already staring at him. Their eyes meet, but neither of them are talking, excluding the tallest. “In fact,” said tallest breathes, looking excited, but not to his full potential. “Why don’t you just come with me after? Since Sehun brought you, you don’t have a ride. I can take you home, and maybe we can stop by my house.”

Liar, that big liar. 

Oh, so smooth and subtle; the poor wedding planner just wants to cry. Instead, he smiles, and of course it’s bright but this time, it's not like the sun. He builds an invisible wall to protect himself, a facade to control himself.

“I’d love that, Yeol.” After seeing the man of his dreams smile, he then locks eyes with his ex  _ again _ , and the guy is staring at him still. This time, the look on his face is clear. He knows, knows every single thing. From the eyes that show no tears yet are glassy, the cheeks stained slightly pink, and the non-blinding smile.

Now he’s the liar.

  
_ “Liar,”  _ Sehun mouths at him as if he was confirming it, no sound coming out, although a word so revealing is thrown at him. 

 

 

 

 

 

If Baekhyun were to describe Jiwon in a couple words, it would be the most difficult thing on earth. To sum it up, the lady is one of the most sweetest people he’s ever met. Not only is she beautiful, smart, and funny, but she has good manners; Also known as the type of girl that her parents would be proud of, and the type to be admired by others.

How unfair.

Basically, one hundred percent wife-material. One hundred and ten percent  _ Mrs. Park.  _ When she offered him snacks and disappeared into the kitchen, all the wedding planner did was whine in his throat and have a silent mini self-tantrum. 

Why does the person who gets to marry the  _ lucky man _ get to be so perfect?

Chanyeol comes into the house from his car then, a bright smile on his face. “Where’s Ji?” Baekhyun responds quickly, but he can’t help but take a little moment to take in the sight in front of him. The giant practically  _ glows  _ when that signature grin reaches his eyes.

Real, everything is too real, but that’s what he likes about him. Park smiles too much. But when he smiles, so does the other.

So here they are now, stuffing cookies from a small glass bowl into their mouths like excited children. The wedding planner asks if Jiwon made them, making her laugh. “No, but I wish I did.” She turns to him with a cute smile, but of course it’s not as cute as  _ someone else’s.  _ “I can’t really cook anything without setting the whole house on fire.”

Chanyeol cuts in while he pops a small chocolate chip one into his mouth. “And it sucks too, because I have to do all the work.” They smile that adorable couple-smile at each other; Seems like they could be two rays of sunshine. Baekhyun’s insides still do a little loopty-loop, because surprisingly, the moment they had just exchanged didn’t phase him. What did, was the imagination of him cooking for the latter.

_ He  _ can cook.

He wills his heart to slow down, afraid they’ll hear it beating.

 

 

 

 

 

After rounds upon rounds of Mario Kart, the feeling of being young and free again gets the best of them. A twenty-six-year-old, the man next to hers large hand cradling her own as he crosses the finish line; He’s twenty-seven, and the man beside him trying to drown himself in the cookies rather than his emotions is twenty-seven as well, but almost can’t wait to get to the next number.

They’re laid there on that rug, the soft brown one that looks and feels like the old teddy bear you’d cuddle when you were too little to know what love really was. But now they’re in love and it’s suffocating to the wedding planner, he can feel it radiating off of the two of them. They’re cute, and he knows, but it  _ hurts. _

_ Never be, _ is all Baekhyun can think when he hears the murmur of the giant, excusing himself to the bathroom.

Unexpected, everything is, when Jiwon hums and draws her attention to the window. It’s getting dark outside, sky painted an almost-dark blue, hints of pink and orange lingering as the sun gradually disappears. The latter takes his gaze off of the staircase where Chanyeol had disappeared and turns to her.

“He loves you,” she says softly, voice awfully quiet yet of unreadable emotions. Baekhyun jerks at that, choking on the imaginary drink he let dance down his throat. He asks himself if he heard that right, not wanting to get his hopes up. A blush is slowly creeping in, and he wants it to stop because this is terrible timing, he really does, but then the girl next to him hums again.

“He’ll always love me, but it’s never the same for the amount of love he feels for you. I can tell from the way he looks at you, like you’re his whole universe.”

Her eyes find his. “And I know you love him just as much as he loves you.” It’s like a slap, a chilling touch, lingering and making him sweat all over again. Her words aren’t accusing, but more of a confirmation for the both of them. 

_ No. _

But, he doesn’t love him, he never knew what love was. That’s why Sehun left him, that’s why his mother left, and that’s why his dad barely contacts him. Now that, is an accusation to himself, from himself. And the truth, it always comes to ruin every moment of his life. “N-no,” he lets out shakily when he finds his voice again as if he’s struggling to find the words, or rather—  _ hide them.  _ “I don’t. Don’t talk nonsense, h-he loves you.” 

_ Oh, love. _

“Surprisingly,” Jiwon murmurs, staring at him. Baekhyun stares right back. “It doesn’t really hurt.”

“What doesn’t?”

She takes a cookie, breaking off a chocolate chip before placing it in the center of her palm. “Knowing I’ll always be second.” She then holds it out to him, like a gift, but not a jewel, no prize, no money. “And whoever is first, deserves the love they’ve never received with realization.”

It’s almost like she’s handing over his love, something so precious, yet she’s handing it to him like a toy. He stares at it, unsure. The next step, the next everything; Baekhyun’s heart thuds repeatedly. His mind says no, but his heart says  _ just go. _

“It’s good to see you two getting along,” a deep voice murmurs from behind. Baekhyun doesn’t even bother looking, and instead watches as Jiwon closes her fist around the chip. And just like that, it’s gone like dust.

 

 

 

 

 

A phone call and a whisper, three words and a nickname wavering in the air.  _ Please come over, Soo. _

So here they are now, Kyungsoo is looking at the man he calls his best friend and his boss, but he can only see his body rocking back and forth; Head resting on his legs. He knows something’s not right, he’s  _ known _ the man on the floor has not been okay ever since the beginning of their call. 

  
  


_ Kyungsoo anticipated a cheerful greeting when he hit answer, because he figured he must’ve had a good rest after he left the offices. Wrong he was, when there was complete silence on the other end, safe for the tiniest sniffle ever. The assistant’s lips formed into a straight line as he was about to ask if he was okay, which was when he got asked to come over. _

  
  
  


He sits down quietly and swiftly next to the vulnerable man. He knows for sure that Baekhyun  _ hates  _ being weak, but the monster of insecurities won’t ever leave his side— and neither will Do Kyungsoo. The silence in between them grows and grows like the plant on the windowsill, but then it stops and the younger takes a breath in, letting it out ever so slowly. “Was it him?”

Baekhyun trembles. “Yes, but not just him.”

_ Not just him?  _

Kyungsoo takes a moment before realization dawns on him and his face pales. He looks at the latter and he  _ knows.  _ Oh, sometimes you can just tell how someone feels and what they’re thinking about by looking at their face, but other times you can tell what they’ve been through.

A once blooming flower, damaged and wilted.

“I’m not in love,” Baekhyun croaks, and whether he’s talking about his parents, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, or his dog that’s whimpering from afar, it makes a heart hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

_ Five days later— _

  
  


Fiddling with his empty glass as he tries to be happy and enjoy everything around him, the small wedding planner can’t help but feel distant and distracted. He feels like an outsider, as if he doesn’t belong anywhere there. No matter how hard he tries, all that’s racking his mind are chocolate chips and hands that were never held, as well as heartaches and calls of  _ come home.  _ And he’s home, even if he doesn’t want to be there. 

When Baekhyun had walked into Lee Jieun’s house and sat on a couch, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get into the vibe everyone was giving off. The woman of the household, whose wedding he’s planning, is clad in a beautiful blue dress and standing across the room. She looks so joyful, chattering away with her guests, and the latter doesn’t want to take that away from her.

_ And I know you love him just as much as he loves you. _

 

 

 

 

 

Days before, Baekhyun’s mom had called him saying his grandfather is having health problems. It was a bit of a shocker, since one, said elder has always been very strong and quite active. And two, the woman who had given birth to him hasn’t tried contacting him for almost two years now.

__

That’s just how it’s always been. 

__

One of his childhood friends, Lee Jieun, was getting married and she had invited him prior to her bridal shower; In addition to asking him to plan her big day. He loves her dearly like a little sister, so he agreed happily. Of course, the girl still lives in his hometown. What a coincidence it is, your mom forcing you to come home and said home being around the place you were originally going to go to. 

__

It was almost like fate had chosen  _ him _ to be there.

__

The bride-to-be finally notices him looking dazed on that couch, making her frown a little as she makes her way over to him. She crosses her arms and quirks her brow like an upset child that didn’t get what she wanted. “Bridal shower parties aren’t supposed to be sad,” Jieun huffs, nudging him with her elbow. Baekhyun tries to laugh but all that comes out is a tired sigh.

__

That, doesn’t go unnoticed by the latter. 

__

She drops her arms, letting them hang as she sits down next to him. “What’s bothering you, Baek?” 

__

He looks away, finding sudden interest in the front door. “Nothing.”

__

She purses her lips, and when something flashes in her mind, her face softens. “...  _ Who’s  _ bothering you?” That really does the trick because he finally turns to look at his friend, instead of eyes full of annoyance, they carry the heavy sadness of waves and unexplainable stories. It’s an overwhelming sight; humans really do hide so much.

__

“Mother won’t stop, I’m so worried about grandfather and— and I don’t love Park.” He chokes on his invisible drink, feeling so very sick inside. He can tell he’s probably ruined Jieun’s mood from the look on her face. Although the sentence he had just said probably made no sense whatsoever, she seems to understand his emotional language.

__

He’s disappointed in himself, but when is he not?

__

The arms that wrap themselves around him are secure and are like a reminder that  _ he matters,  _ and that  _ it’s going to be alright.  _ She holds him tight and tells him that he can tell her anything. 

__

They stay like that until she squeezes his hand and whispers in his ear that the bathrooms are to his left down the hall if he needs it. When the shorter turns around and Baekhyun sees the wet spots on her left shoulder, he touches his face slowly. Dried up tears.

 

 

 

 

 

Arriving to the home he had grown up in, the wedding planner glances around cautiously in the dark as if something will jump at him. Once he makes sure that the coast is clear, he ever so quietly makes his way upstairs. Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it that far before all the lights in the huge hallway are being turned on, blinding him briefly in the process.

“What are you doing?”

Baekhyun jumps about a foot in the air, yelping and bringing his arms up to his face in defense. Peeking through them, he’s met with his mom staring back at him with a rather blank face. Its own canvas that never got painted with the joy and wonders of life. “Baekhyun, I haven’t seen you since the day you got here, and you didn’t even let me talk to you when I did.”

It’s true and they both know it, but the other gazes at the ceiling like he doesn’t care and bites the inside of his right cheek. He shrugs his shoulders before slowly trying to make his way out of there, backing away while looking into her eyes. The woman isn’t  _ that  _ stupid, she’s nowhere near that, so of course she raises her eyebrows and  _ tut tut’s _ . 

“Are you at least going to greet me?”

It takes a lot out of him to mutter the quietest,  _ “Hello.”  _ Even after getting out a single word, it makes him feel sick again and he just wants to punch something, anything, just as long as he can get this unknown fury out. Does she even deserve a greeting? He grits his teeth and wonders why she’s even awake in the first place.

  
Before she can say anymore, he bids her a soft  _ goodnight _ , and sprints off to his bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

“I hate this, I really do,” Baekhyun breathes into the phone, feeling as if he could cry even more. Curled away in a ball in the corner of his room, he won’t look anywhere but the night sky. It’s beautiful though, a breathtaking sight that’s so ethereal it looks like it’s not even real. 

There’s something about it that he’s drawn to.

“You haven’t seen her in ages, Baek,” the deep voice says on the other side. “Being mature and staying with her is the best you can do.” 

The lone man huffs and stares back at the slight reflection of himself in the window. Pale face, droopy eyes, and frown digging into his features. “Do for what?” He knows the answer, but hearing it from the latter makes it more believable.

“For the two of you. Not just her, and not just you, but for the benefit of both parties.” It’s hard to understand how someone can take in so much information about a crack in someone’s family relationship, but he's here and being the mature one instead.

Baekhyun rocks back and forth.

“Being here is like staying in a small box with a locked door. I can get out, but in order to do so I have to do  _ something _ . It’s so frustrating, but about the only thing i can do is hope my grandfather is okay, and that my mother will bear with me.

“Chanyeol… Yeol, I wish you were here.”

It takes a couple of seconds for the other to respond, although it feels like a million hours.

_ Beat. _

“I wish I was too.”

 

 

 

 

 

A rude pillow in the face is what greets him when he wakes up. Baekhyun barely has a chance to take in a sharp breath of air when the pillow hits him again, hard and head-on. How can someone be so good at hitting another with a such a thing; may the question be left unanswered. 

His mom’s face appears next to it, and surprisingly doesn’t look that annoyed to see him for once. She looks like a different person than the one he had interacted with the night before.

“What the f—” He stops immediately and throws a hand over his mouth when he realizes what he would’ve said, but it’s already too late when the woman smacks him again. With the same pillow. Her face of disapproval is something that makes him cower.

And then it changes,  _ again. _

She looks excited, like a little kid who had been given something so amazing. Imagining a rainbow over her head might’ve been something he should’ve avoided, he knows. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing your boyfriend!”

Baekhyun’s eyes bulge out of his head as he sits up, because he hasn’t had a boyfriend in what seemed like a million years. Did he even hear that right?

“Excuse me?”

 

 

 

 

 

The face that appears on his giant’s features when he sees him makes him want to dig a hole and perhaps stop existing in there. Someone needs to teach him how to not smile at anyone he sees.

“Hello,” he says, getting up from where he’s sat on the couch. Clad in jeans and a black shirt, it looks  _ way  _ too nice on him. Boyfriend material he is, putting all of those models to shame. The wedding planner curses under his breath, and instead of returning the smile, he asks him what’s he doing there.

Mrs. Byun looks disappointed, because  _ that’s not how you greet your significant other. _

“Uh—,” Chanyeol begins, but it’s not long before Baekhyun’s mother runs over with a big smile on her face. Not that he’d ever say, but the latter could see where Baekhyun got  _ that _ smile from.

She waves, looking like a totally different person from the one that won’t get along with her own son that the newcomer knew her as. “My son didn’t tell me you were coming today!” Mrs. Byun elbows the gaping Baekhyun. “And I thought he wouldn’t have dated anyone besides that Sehun. I let this boy in, such a sweet one he is.”

The shorter male and the taller exchange glances, but the older looks away before anything else can be exchanged. “Mom, he’s—”

“So when’s the wedding?”

Exasperated and definitely tired, her son throws his hands up making the two others look at him. “Mom, he’s married!”

She looks at him with raised brows and a quirked smile.

“Well, he  _ will  _ be soon. Very soon. In fact I’m even planning his wedding so there’s nothing going on between us. No, nothing.” As much as it hurt to say, the truth is the truth and he can’t hide that. Not even if he wants to believe otherwise. He doesn't notice how Chanyeol’s eyes dim at that too.

The woman’s eyes flicker to the man who towers over her son, then to his hands. After observing, she gives a small smile and a quirk of her newly threaded brows. 

_ “I don’t see no ring.” _

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, and somehow making it up to Baekhyun’s room, (as well as ignoring the way his mom gave them knowing looks), Chanyeol plops down on the other's bed dramatically and gazes up at the ceiling. He makes a sound of astonishment before his eyes find said other.

__

“You never mentioned how well-off your family was,” he marvels in awe. Baekhyun finds that it’s dumb with how much shock is being held in his features if he’s a CEO himself. (Probably even  has double the money).

__

The shorter shrugs and rolls his eyes like it’s absolutely nothing, and to him it sure is. “And  _ that’s _ coming from a rich guy who runs his own company.”

__

He sighs and brushes his arm timidly. “When my mother left my father, she ran off and married a wealthy man. When he died, she ended up being left with everything. Of  _ course _ , she had kept everything out of greed.”

__

Looking away, unable to look in his eyes anymore, Baekhyun continues. “I would say she’s a gold digger, but I can’t do that, since I’m her son and she’s my birth mom.”

__

A beat of silence is all it takes, of suffocating minds and words bound to be tumbled out and said out loud unwillingly. The fact that they can’t go too long without saying anything to each other is rather amusing.

__

The pair lock eyes quick and smoothly, as if they were meant to always get lost in one another’s eyes.

__

“What are you doing here?”

“Jiwon and I fought.”

__

They're both said at the same time.

__

Tangled words, one laced with happiness yet devastation because he knows he has a fiancée back at home, and the other laced with utter calmness. There’s a line between being calm and alarmingly calm. 

__

Baekhyun lets out a rather loud gasp, as to which he ignores. “And so you just  _ left _ ?!” He doesn't want to care, but leaving her behind after what could’ve been a small disagreement or stupid misunderstanding is completely wrong. It seemed like he was running from his problems. He wants them to be happy. Both of them.

__

A shrug is all he gets in response.

__

“Chanyeol!”

__

“Okay, okay, I know I wasn’t supposed to leave, but last night you sounded so upset so I wanted to make you feel better. I don’t feel like seeing that woman’s face at the very moment, and I’m sure she’d rather not see mine.”

__

Silence, again, although this time it’s welcomed and full of unsureness. It seems like a while before the smaller hums, and takes the man next to him’s hand slowly like it’s extremely delicate glass. His heart speeds up but he ignores it, because something is wrong and it’s not the time to feel those unforgivable feelings.

__

“Was it that bad?” he asks softly.

__

His dear friend flushes and casts his eyes at the ceiling before nodding slowly. It seems as if it’s all just too hard to do anything.

__

“Chanyeol…” He says his name again, but this time the way he says it is softer and more reluctant.

__

“Yeah, I—  _ yeah,  _ It was pretty bad.”

__

Baekhyun squeezes his hand and shuts his own eyes. “I don’t... I don’t know why it pains me to say this but it does; Yeol, you need to go back or at least contact her right now. You’re going to get married, for heaven’s sake. Don’t bail on her now just because you fought over something dumb.”

_   
The giant breathes an  _ okay  _ as his brain tries to process what the latter had said at first.  _

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun’s coming from the bathroom only to see a surprise in the crack between his bedroom door; The one and only Park Chanyeol sobbing. Invisible lights that lie in the wedding planner’s heart dim, and suddenly there’s just—  _ nothing _ .

_ _

A pocketful of emptiness, it doesn’t feel right.

_ _

Imagine the sun that normally shines as much as it can in the limited amount of time it has, and then suddenly one day it just doesn’t shine at all. How terrifying it can be, the sight of tears rolling down the man’s face really does do something to his mind.

_ _

Feeling hesitant to go in, Baekhyun purses his lips and tries not to be upset too. 

_ _

_ “I don’t know,” _ comes out of Chanyeol’s mouth, so quiet and helpless and full of struggling that it just doesn’t seem natural. He’s not talking to anyone, but it seems like he’s not even talking to himself. Maybe the moon is listening. Weirdly afraid, but because of another reason, the man standing outside furrows his eyebrows as his mind decides what’s best for him— getting a glass of water.

_ _

Not for himself, but for the other who’s emptying out his own water of memories and emotion.

 

 

 

 

 

“Mom,” Baekhyun calls out weakly to the woman holding a spoonful of soup to her mouth. The sudden willing call has her startled, making her spill all the contents on her utensil onto the blouse she’s currently wearing.

She can’t bring herself to mind, though. “Y-yes?”

Steadily, like he’s choosing his words carefully and actually trying to say the right thing, the son fights the unwanted urge of sweating. He curses himself under his breath when a small bead of the liquid travels down his nape. Concentrating on breathing in and out, he looks her dead in the eye as unknown confidence seeps into his features.

“How do you know if you’re in love?” His voice decreases in volume by every word, so by the time he says  _ love  _ it’s in a mere whisper. Every inch of hope is fading now, it’s all too much. Gaping, his birthgiver places her manicured hand over her mouth. She doesn’t make a comment on how Baekhyun braces himself for something big, in fact— she doesn’t dare say anything at all.

And then she surprises the two of them by standing up and hugging him tightly. A memory of his childhood shoots up in his mind, and he feels like he’ll cry. She holds him like a little kid, but this time he doesn't dare push her away. 

“Is it… Is it Chanyeol?” 

There’s no point in lying now, because then he’d be lying to not only her, but himself too. Baekhyun nods, and suddenly he can’t stop as tears roll down his face; It’s real and the big truth, there’s no turning back now.

 

 

 

 

 

Love.

Love can be a horrible thing, but it can also make your life seem worthwhile. But sometimes, it really just makes you suffer, especially if the guy who has officially taken a piece of your heart is getting married to someone else. And if  _ you’re  _ the one planning their wonderful big day.

Byun Daeun had two sons with one amazing man whom she’ll never forget. Even when she left him and got married to another, the feeling of love never disappeared. It’s hard to not regret your decisions, especially when your youngest son has shut you out of your life. She wanted to hate him too; to punish him, to restrict him from anything and everything in life.

But of course, she is not that type of mom.

The feeling of love is the most powerful and most wonderful thing. There are people who claim to be in love, but usually those who can’t describe a single feeling are not. 

Just like how a plant takes time to grow, the love between lovers will take time too.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun looks out the window as he repeats what his mom told him, watching as the sun disappears into the horizon. Sunset is always the most beautiful thing, but right now it looks bittersweet; a painting of memorants of childhood, breathtaking colors that still aren’t enough to satisfy the soul of a broken one.

He doesn’t know what to do. He usually does, because being a perfectionist means to have everything and believe that it’s one hundred percent outstanding. A crush that was  _ supposed  _ to stay a strict  _ crush  _ has turned into him in a messy  quarrel of love with only himself.

It’s been a couple of days since Chanyeol left, the latter already being back in Seoul with of course, his fiancée. Baekhyun misses him and is stuck here, in the house he had grown up in. On usual accounts, he’d say he didn’t want to be there because of his mom. But after yesterday, it felt as if the bond that was once weak between them had strengthened immensely. 

Not entirely, for they need time to catch up. But one thing that said mom confirmed yesterday was the fact that she loved him so much. That was the most the younger had cried in so long.

He’s actually leaving tomorrow, but it feels like going home would mean him having to face only the scariest things.

Like another man, a much taller one. And Baekhyun’s in love, but the latter may never know.

 

 

 

 

 

He had left his fiancée last night. Or rather, she had left him, but they both had smiles on their faces and were what they were before a relationship, friends. Good friends. Chanyeol made a decision, and Jiwon downright told him that she had known for the longest time.

Love, was what it was, something that had developed over time. The growth of affection and admiration towards a certain person in his life had grown significantly. It was beautiful, because suddenly it seemed like all the colors he saw through his eyes grew more vibrant. 

Sleep had grown worse the past few months, because the tall guy would always stare at his ceiling, feeling like something was missing. He hadn’t lost any belongings, but it felt like a piece of his heart was _there_ _but not._

_ I’m in love,  _ Chanyeol had said when the woman he had almost married told him to recollect his thoughts. She smiled and murmured,  _ go get that flower that you left to bloom on its own, then. _

So that’s why he’s in his car right now, zipping through the morning traffic to get to the airport as quick as he can. 

At first, it made no sense as to why Jiwon was so careless about him ditching her like that. That was when she explained that she  _ was _ in fact,  _ in love,  _ but never found the fire in her to actually appreciate it. Which was kind of true, considering the fact that Chanyeol felt the exact same. She had her childhood friend back in America, and they’d kept contact; he’d wanted her to meet him for  _ a cup of coffee. _

(It didn’t sound like that was the only reason why he wanted to be with her). 

She thanked him for all the good memories and good everythings. Jiwon kissed him before he could utter a soft farewell, but when they both looked at each other afterwards, their faces were both uncomfortable.  _ That was just a test to see if we were both sure. And I was right, we are. _

And that was when she handed him her wedding ring ever so slowly. But instead of handing it to him like they were getting married, she gave it as if to say,  _ thank you. _

Thinking about so many things makes Chanyeol go on autopilot, and sure enough he’s parked already. 

Sprinting into the building, the giant looks around frantically for a specific man. He thinks he sees someone in a white sweatshirt who is short, but it ends up being a random fifteen-year-old kid who looks very freaked out.

_ “Sorry,”  _ Chanyeol mumbles, not caring if he looks like a maniac as he escapes and runs in a different direction. Voices upon voices upon voices, sounds of a busy airport pound in his ears, it’s an overwhelming bustle when you’re also looking for someone that you love dearly. After looking around for a good twenty-or-so minutes, the giant slumps in a random chair next to an elderly woman. He had tried to call said someone, but there was no signal.

_ I need to get there. _

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun awakens to the person next to him gently tapping his shoulder. Jolting up as if he were electrocuted, the Byun looks around to see a man smiling back at him. 

After bowing non-stop, Baekhyun apologizes quickly. “I’m  _ so  _ sorry, oh my god. Your poor shoulder…”

It takes a while for him to finally get off the plane, and the minute he does, he realizes he just can’t wait anymore.

He turns around and heads straight for the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

 

“He’s not going to come,” Chanyeol murmurs the unwanted truth, and all he feels is upset and too tired to even move. He practically throws his head into his hands, breathing hard and shutting his eyes tight.

And then he pours his heart out.

“It’s always the wrong fucking timing! He comes into my life and then I’m forced to care about him but I actually really do care about him and then when I finally realize that I want to be happy with him he walks out of my life and comes back and then I was going to get married and to someone else and I thought he’d be happy but he looked bothered and that hurt me and I miss that damn man—”

An intake of breath is all it takes for him to break down.  _ “— _ and I  _ just love him more than I ever allowed my heart to.” _

Every last bit, it all comes out. It’s chilling. The old woman at his side is crying too, and she’s looking at him, the pity in her eyes— it makes his head hurt but his heart aches.

“Young man,” she says softly. “Your words of love are beautiful. When you find the man on your mind, grab him and tell him you are  _ so _ lucky to have him in your life.”

She slowly points somewhere, and Chanyeol is quick to follow it. Elevators.

 

 

 

 

 

When you look at a window, not only will it show what’s outside, but sometimes it’ll reveal a reflection of everything around you and suddenly you’re staring at your own face. People walking around you is enough of a distraction, everyone has their own life and you stop to watch. 

A woman, with her small baby crying and crying, she looks tired and weary but the amount of love in her eyes never fades. A man that seems to be her husband kisses her, and then the forehead of the being in her arms. 

_ Love. _

Baekhyun watches the small family and secretly yearns, because he’s gotten so close to getting something but it was just never enough for him to grasp onto it completely.

The sound of a name being called pulls him from this unknown trance, making him look around to see a face sticking out from a crowd, too tall to not be seen. Only then does the small man realize it’s his own name being shouted.

  
And when the door closes, he realizes that the thing he had yearned was there. Park Chanyeol, that  _ goddamn _ giant, always disappearing whenever he feels like he had discovered something within him.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol stares at the crack of the elevator door, unmoving, unblinking— his throat hurts and begs for water but it barely phases him at all. He was  _ so  _ close.  _ So close.  _ So close to telling Baekhyun his true feelings and—

His heart feels like it’s been dropped. Crushed, deflated… A hateful feeling.

When a man throws him a dirty look for not moving even after the doors opened, the taller jumps and gets out quickly as if he were a robot. He doesn’t say anything, he can’t and doesn’t know why. The amount of things sprouting in his mind are nerve racking and sickening.

He can’t feel a thing.

Then all of a sudden then there’s a soft  _ ding,  _ and Chanyeol’s eyes find a familiar pair of brown ones almost immediately. His heart lurches.

 

 

 

 

 

Seeing Chanyeol cry is like seeing something so bright lose its color. It was not the first time he’s seen him like this, but every single time seems like a first. A man who always seems to cover up his emotions is here right now, breaking down his own walls right in front of him. It feels odd and all the other can do is shake.

“Chanyeol”— Baekhyun begins, but the latter whips his head around and hugs him. It’s almost like he’s saying he’s desperate to have him, and it’s suffocating but in the good ways, and that’s a thing he shouldn’t be feeling because he’s getting married—

That’s when his eyes find his left ring finger, and said finger has nothing. It’s naked and no longer promised to anyone. “Where… where’s your ring, Yeol?”

He gets nothing in response but a tighter hold. This seems to trigger Baekhyun’s tears now, and he’s crying so hard but he doesn’t know why exactly. Maybe it’s for the fact that he’s in love. Maybe it’s for the fact that he could never love this man, but everyday he still has this small fire in him, wanting to love him forever. Maybe it’s for the fact that he’s just crying for Park Chanyeol.

  
  
  


When they’ve both found themselves, they sit on a bench and look at each other until their eyes and souls hurt from not blinking. The wedding planner is the first to look away.

“Where’s Jiwon?” he asks quietly, trying to find somewhere else to look other than the man next to him. 

The younger never breaks his gaze. “She called it off.”

“What?!”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath in, and then lets it out slowly. He grabs ahold of the wedding planner’s hands, not desperately, but pleadingly. Not only is his heart is racing, his everything is, but he’s got to say it, he’s just got to. “I’m going to say something, and I’m so sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but I’ve been wanting to say this for a longtime and”—

He peers down at him, the button nose, droopy brown eyes, slightly pink cheeks, milky skin, and then he admires the wonderful complexion, of Byun Baekhyun. How he had not realized his love for this man; it’s truly a wonderful mystery. 

_ Fuck it. _

“I love you,” Chanyeol breathes in. Finally,  _ finally—  _ he lets his breath out. “ _ I love you,  _ and I’m so angry at myself for not having a clue until not too long ago.” The look on Baekhyun’s face is unreadable, blank and plain, but it only encourages the giant to keep on confessing. 

“... But Jiwon,” the wedding planner tries to murmur before he can do anything else.

“You’re really going to mention her when I told you I loved you?”

The smaller holds his breath and closes his eyes. Chanyeol leans in close and tells him he loves him every time his lips touch his face. To his forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose, chin, and then his lips, which he kisses softly the second time, every in between is paused with three words. 

If he gets stopped now, at least he could say he tried.

But he can’t help but connect their lips again, his love’s are unbelievably soft. 

As he sticks his hand out, fist enclosing something, he unsurely explains how his  _ ex  _ had given it to him, telling him to give it to Baekhyun. The older raises his eyebrows and is about to ask what it is, but then stops almost immediately. 

When the man stuck in his heart opens his palm, it reveals the small gift.

Brown and small but of sweetness and delicacy, a chocolate chip stands proud in the middle. Would he finally accept it? Would he take the step? All these questions run through their heads and eventually the Byun decides for himself.

He intertwines their hands, enclosing the small object.

The smile on Baekhyun’s face is indescribable, similar to drops of honey and the sun peeking out from the clouds on a rainy day. 

Standing on his tippy-toes, the man grabs his face and kisses him back with so much affection that it makes Chanyeol tear up. 

He can’t stop, he’s ecstatic, not even caring how much of a fool he may be making himself look right now. He doesn’t wonder about what Kyungsoo would say, what his father would say, his mom, or what anyone in his family would tell him to make him hesitant. And then he finally says those four words.

He’s letting himself do it, he finally knows what it is.

_ “I love you too.” _

 

 

 

 

 

 

_ fin. _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading !!!
> 
> ✎ this took a bit of a while for me to post, i apologize. this is rather long, so if you made it to the end— congratulations ! i hope no one cried :O 
> 
> i also have some problem with making poor baek suffer i know im sorry but hhhHh i made it happy right hehehehehe im not as evil as you think ,':D
> 
> this will be cross posted on aff and wattpad if youre wondering !
> 
> comments and kudos are always welcome ♡♡♡
> 
> —
> 
> ❃┊ erstwhilelove


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